


Conceal

by kj_1130



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst I guess, Brooding, Emily Prentiss is dead, Gen, Ouch, learned from the best i suppose, reader is compartmentalizing, reader is mopey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28989654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_1130/pseuds/kj_1130
Summary: Your mom is dead. Gone.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Reader, Derek Morgan & Reader, Emily Prentiss & Reader, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Reader, Penelope Garcia & Reader, Spencer Reid & Reader, mother-daughter - Relationship
Kudos: 9





	1. Conceal

“She never made it off the table.”  
The words rang around your head. They kept playing on repeat.  
‘She never made it off the table. She didn’t-she didn’t make it off the table.’  
You were numb.  
‘She never made it off the table.’  
You didn’t feel anything.  
‘She never made it off the table.’  
You watched as everyone grieved for her.  
But you couldn’t even shed a tear.  
You didn’t know if you could even feel anything anymore.  
‘She never made it off the table.’  
She wouldn’t be there to see you go to your first day of high school.  
She wouldn’t see you graduate from high school.  
She wouldn’t be there for homecoming or prom.  
She wouldn’t be there when you got married.  
She wouldn’t be there when you have your first child.  
She wouldn’t be there for any of it.  
Because she was gone.  
‘She didn’t make it off the table.’  
Everyone watched as you walked to the restrooms; not a single tear on your face.  
You couldn’t feel anymore; not without her.  
Where were you going to go?  
How would you live?  
-  
You lived with JJ now. Henry was always bouncing around with happiness. You guessed it was happiness; you’d forgotten what it felt like.  
You buried yourself in your schoolwork; taking any extra credit opportunities, anything that would keep you busy. Anything that would keep your mind off of it.  
They were all worried. They saw your eyes go from radiating love and happiness to dull and lifeless in what felt like three seconds. One blink and they were suddenly cloudy. One blink and they were gray.  
They knew what bottling up could do to a person; the ever-lasting effects. They were waiting for you to explode; to let everything out so unexpectedly.  
But it never happened.  
You were a new person; completely different. Your grades improved--even though they were already quite high. That seemed to be just about the only positive that came out of this whole situation.  
The bags under your eyes grew larger by the day.  
You haven’t slept. You can’t. You would lay in bed at night, only to stare blankly at the boring ceiling. Every time you closed your eyes, you only saw hers staring right back at you. If you weren’t lying in bed, you were up researching the wildest of things for someone your age; could be quantum physics one-day anatomy the next. Anything to keep you busy.  
It was rare that you spoke. You only answered yes or no questions and even then your response was mumbled. They tried to talk to you about your hobbies and interests, but you didn’t like those things anymore. The only hobby you had was studying.  
No one liked seeing you like this. They missed when you would run up to them and ramble about your day at school or a tv show you watched. They missed when you made stupid, corny, dad jokes that always made everyone laugh. They missed your smile and the life that shined in your eyes.  
Penelope missed teaching you how to hack and code.  
Spencer missed sharing facts with you.  
Derek missed sharing stories with you.  
Aaron missed one of the only people who could make him crack a smile.  
JJ missed her spa day buddy.  
They missed you.  
Yet, you were so close they could reach out and touch you.  
Would they ever get their niece back?


	2. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrayal hurts but relief feels better.

JJ had taken away all of your books as well as your laptop and left you with some art supplies and a sketchbook. She said that you were going to run yourself dry with everything you were doing and forced you to take a break.  
You stared at the paper and it seemed to glare back--taunting you with its emptiness.   
“Ooh, what do we have here?”  
You came into the living room with your hands behind your back, a surprise ready for your mom.   
Handing her the paper, she analyzed it with a fond eye. You sat beside her on the couch and began explaining the drawing.   
“We had to draw a picture of something we love.”  
“Yeah? And what did you draw?”  
You pointed to the paper with a large smile.  
“Momma, that’s you, silly!”  
Emily’s eyes grew wetter as she stared at her daughter. She pulled you into her lap and kissed your temple.   
“My little artist.”  
A knock. That’s what broke the non-existent staring contest. Looking up, your gaze was caught with JJ’s crystal blue eyes. They reminded you of the ocean--a day at the beach.  
You always liked her eyes.  
But you liked your mom’s eyes more.  
Maybe that’s why you liked chocolate and the color brown so much.  
“Come on. We need to head to the BAU.”   
The woman watched as you slowly scooted off the bed, purposefully tossing the sketchbook on the ground.   
You followed her to the car and sat in silence as she drove.   
“This isn’t the way.”  
You were simply ignored as she continued down the familiar street.  
The car was parked and you stared at the building with disgust.   
“I don’t wanna be here.”  
It was the most you had said in these past few months. It was the most emotion you expressed.  
“Go inside.”  
You looked at her with a blank expression.  
“For me. Please.”  
Begrudgingly, you unbuckled your seat belt and dragged yourself to the front door. It was already unlocked so you pushed the door open, hoping not to collapse from the onslaught of emotions that were creeping up on you.   
There was movement coming from in the kitchen which put you on alert.   
“Which one is this?”   
“That’s the salt, we need sugar.”   
You put the container of salt down, grabbing the one right next to it.  
“Why don’t you just leave them in the containers they come in?”  
Your mom stopped stirring and looked up before shrugging her shoulders.   
“I guess I just like to be extra sometimes.”  
The two of you shared a laugh before Emily went back to mixing. When she was finished, she handed you the spoon to lick the brownie batter off.  
“How is it.”  
You gave her a thumbs up while continuing to lick the chocolatey goodness.   
Footsteps. Footsteps broke you out of your daydream.   
Why were there footsteps?  
No one is supposed to be here.   
She steps out.   
No.   
She is supposed to be dead.  
She’s not supposed to be here.  
She steps forward.   
You take a step back.   
Her arms are wide open.   
You shake your head.   
It’d be so easy just to-  
No.   
She’s not even here.  
It’s not even real.  
But it seems so real.   
Why? Why does your mind do this to you?  
Why did she have to go in the first place?  
Her arms are still wide open.   
You want to just run and jump into her arms.   
Her warm, comforting arms.   
And look into her chocolate brown eyes that you loved so much simply because they were hers.   
You always wanted to take a look at her eyes one more time.  
But you couldn’t.   
Because she’s not here.   
“I’m here.”  
You shake your head.   
You want to get out. You need to get out.   
“Yes, I am. I’m here."  
“No you’re not,” you cried. “You’re gonna be gone when I open my eyes. Just like all the other times.”  
“I promise; I’m here. I’m real,” she coaxed gently.   
Sometimes, sloths think their arms are tree branches and they’ll grab onto them, leading them to fall to their doom.   
That’s what you felt like. A sloth of all things.   
Because you thought that the moment you were convinced any of this was real, you’d fall to your own doom.   
One that involved a life without the team.  
One that made you wake up and realize that Emily really was gone.   
Because if you grabbed on to Emily, only to realize that she wasn’t there, that made it all real.   
And you didn’t quite want it to be real yet.   
But it was just so tempting.   
Her body wash was something you craved to smell. The scent of the lotion she used.   
So you decided to reach.   
And hope that this branch was real.   
Tears flew out before you could stop them.   
You couldn’t remember the last time you cried--hell even cracked a smile.  
But it didn’t matter right now. Because right now, all that mattered was that you could smell the lavender lotion she always used.   
You could look into her brown eyes instead of chocolate as a reference.   
You could feel the warmth that radiated off of her body.   
She wasn’t dead.   
And as much as you feel betrayed right now, you couldn’t bring yourself to care.   
Because she was here.   
And you hoped and hoped that you could hug her for all of eternity.   
“Sweetheart, I’m home!”  
You came tumbling downstairs and into her arms.  
“Momma!”  
Watch movies with her for all of eternity.   
“This movie makes no sense,” you said grabbing a handful of popcorn.   
Emily shrugs and pays attention to the screen.   
“Well, we can make fun of it together then.”  
Make brownies with her for all of eternity.   
You gasped as your mom wiped a smudge of batter on your nose with an innocent look on her face.   
You chuckled and grabbed a handful of flour.   
“Oh, it’s on!”  
And listen to her voice for all of eternity.  
“I’m here, my little artist.”  
You would hold on just a little tighter.   
“I’m not leaving. Not again.”


End file.
